have been married for nine years now. I have been with my husband since I was 18 and I married him when I was 20. I also had my son at the age of 20. I have worked, cooked, cleaned and waited on my husband since the day I married him. My husband has always expected me to pay my share of the bills and at the time yes thats fine with me 50/50. Now that i am in between jobs due to me getting my degree in which i finish in dec 08, he will not help me in anyway. I have to go to my grandparents for money. I didnt get financial aid this time and I had to call family to help me with my books and to get my sons school stuff. My husband comes home with a stainless steel tool chest he bought for his work. I am expected not to say much. I get treated somewhat as a kid around here and thats my fault for not saying anything. We havent even slept in the same room for many years and our communication is very limited. I have talked to him months ago about how I feel that I am just an existance in this house. He still thinks that his marriage is fine. He is a very hateful person and talks about everyone. I cant see myself living here forever and not having a real marriage. My family and his says that I should never want to leave, because my husband works very hard and he doesnt drink or beat me. But they dont understand that Im very lonely and I dont want to be lonely forever. I cant even have conversation with my husband because I know his negative attitude. Its like I have never told him what I really feel and he never speaks of his feelings. I am tired of having to do stuff for myself. I shouldnt have to ask family for money when im married. I know that marriage is supposed to be a life time commitment and people will shame me for leaving but I cant go on in life without ever being acknowledged. He doesnt do anything for me. He does pay the bills except for my vehicle and phone, I have to come up with that no matter what my situation is. I feel as if the older I get the more I realize that Im being taken for granted and get nothing in return. I even pack his lunch and set his clothes out for work. people suggest counseling and yeah that may work for some but my husband will be back in the same situation because in his mind women have to pay there way ..
Should I stay with my husband or walk away?
You are unhappy with your current situation.
You have explained this to your husband.
He has made no changes.
You have a choice: Stay %26amp; know the life you'll live will be one in which your feelings are not taken into consideration. Know that you'll continue to be lonely as long as you choose to stay in this situation.
Your other choice is to leave. Be prepared to be able to provide comepletely for yourself. Can you pay for your housing, food, utilities, etc?
I know which road I'd take -- but that's just me.
Good luck - and remember, no matter what decision you make, it'll be the right one because YOU made it. Should I stay with my husband or walk away?
Your family and his family are idiots if they think working hard and not drinking and beating you qualifies him as an acceptable husband. This isn't a marriage. Get out as soon as you can sweetie. There is a whole life out there waiting for you. Good luck.
He doesn't want a wife he wants a roommate, when you got married the responsibility fell on him to become the bread winner if you are letting him get away with this you should stop and try to change thins around if nothing works WALK!
You poor thing - get out of there fast! This situation will not get better, he thinks women are second class citizens. You deserve better.
i think he's chauvinistic!
i dont say leave him but if he doesnt want to change to better the relationship then really, why does it even exist?!
There is another life waiting for you. Walk away.
Your a very good loving woman and if your husband doesn't wake up and smell the coffee...he's going to lose you.
Walk away and don't look back...
Oh so because your husband isn't drunk, a womanizer or abuses you then he's such a keeper? Oh please. That doesn't mean the relationship you have with your husband is a healthy one. Next semester, take out what you need to cover your expenses from student loans. Apply for scholarships or grants. When you graduate, tell your husband that if he isn't willing to see a marriage counselor then you two are headed for divorce. Tell him you love him but things have to change. You are not happy in this relationship and you want to prevent a divorce from happening. Be specific about what he can do to make things better. Give him a chance.
I'm so sorry that you're going through that. Only you can decide whether or not to stay. Have you tried talking very bluntly to him about all of this? I agree that counseling might be helpful, if you want to salvage the marriage. Do you think he would go? You should definitely not have to feel as lonely and on-your-own as you do...so bring that up to him and the counselor. Good luck to you. I wish you all the best.
Sounds like your husband is a very spoiled immature overgrown kid. He is only thinking of himself and not the two of you as a whole. When the preacher pronounces the two of you man and wife, he says you are one. Not two separate people in the marriage. Each of you have to work on the marriage together as a whole and not separate. He needs a reality check for his actions. As in counseling.
Since you and he opted to plop a kid on this planet, it is not longer about you and your resentment, nor about him.... it is about being parents to a child who never asked to be born. That you married a jerk is beside the point... you've known that forever, if you've had to go to your grandparents for money.
So, hon, continue to suck it up until your child is on his own... then it again can be all about you and your resentments. until then, uhhhh you're sorta stuck.
Put on the plastic smile, get the degrees, and when you're out from under, go have a good time without this jerk of a husband you (unfortunately) opted to be the sperm donor.
In a marriage it should be give and take and you should be paying bills together. When someone needs something for work, you both get it. If one of you doesn't have a job then you pick up the slack for a while. I have never ever had an issue with my husband over a bill that I couldn't pay. He paid it. When he couldn't work for a while, I paid.
It sounds like you're no more than a roommate and he is making you pay half of the bills and treating you like you're some stranger. I would sit down with him, find common ground and lay it out for him what you need to make the relationship work... and if those needs can't be met and he is unwilling to try, then I would ask him to leave the house.
Just see if he's willing to rekindle, to pick up some slack, because when you're married you're a team.
I will keep this short and simple. He sounds like a jerk... if your not sleeping in the same bedroom something is wrong right there.
You deserve to be happy and not have to ask family for money if your OWN husband will not help you.
Goodluck..
Well i agree that a marriage should be 50/50 but you are going back to school. So i assume he did know this was something you want to do. So now he should be picking up more of the responsible of the house bill. So since he wants you to fix his lunch and lay out his clothes tell sure you will do that but starting to day you will have to start charging him since between school and doing the work around the house you do not have time to work now.
Now since your son is grown do you want to stay in this marriage. No one will look down on you forever if, you move on with your life. Have you talked to you son about all of this?
So you both need to sit down and talk about how you both feel. You need to feel like you are someone special. Do not go around with
all this guilt you have because it is healthy for you.
No is really no one that can what you are looking for. We can only suggest things. You have to work things out for yourself. Good luck with school and your family.
You know the answer to your question, you just have to hear it from other peoples perspective..which i respect. Your husband is a complete selfish prick, who doesn't deserve a lady like you. Your trying to better yourself by going to school, and he isn't helping you at all? That means he doesnt SUPPORT YOU! Your obviously not happy, my god who would be. And not sleeping in the same room for years isn't healthy to boot. Your marriage has been long gone for a while honey. You deserve someone who will support you in your dreams and aspirations, help you when you need help. Since marriage is a partnership....it's not a monopoly!! Counseling i think is out of the window, he sounds set in his ways....and it just doesnt sound like you guys are in love! Get out....if you have a daughter, she will think it's okay for a man to treat her this way one day as well. If your not happy, your kids will sense it. Dont stay just for the sake of the children and to keep the peace. And for your family not agreeing with you divorcing him on these grounds....well guess what. They dont have to live with him, and they aren't the ones being neglected day in and day out. Just think about yourself and your happiness. That is what is paramount. Write a list of all the awful things he has done, and deprived you of. Maybe that will be enough? ;) Good luck...I hope you find happiness.
Marriage is supposed to be a friendship, a partnership, and a safe place for both partners to retreat to. It sounds like none of that is happening for you. You were very young when you got involved with your husband, and both of you may not have really had a chance to explore relationships with other people, or may not have really been mature enough to make such a lifetime and life long committment. The bottom line is, that you are NOT anyone's slave, and that sounds like what you are being treated as. There is no reason you should be laying out his clothes for him! He needs to see you as someone he should respect, an equal, and a partner financially and in all other areas too! I think you most definitely need marriage counseling. If he is not open to it, then I think you must do what you need to do to have the best and most fulfilling life. You are still very young...only 29 it sounds like. You have a long life ahead of you. If you leave, make sure that before you get involved in any relationships, you have a good sense of self-esteem and know what type of man you want to get involved with, and what you deserve! You deserve happiness.
Good luck to you.
Hmmm, that's a tough one. You didn't mention how old your son was. Is he old enough to see this as bothering you? How will he take a break up?
Do you live in a community property state? Divorce papers might do wonders but then again maybe not.
Marriage vows were taken and he doesn't seem to be living up to his side of the bargain. A marriage should be a partnership and even a business agreement. Each should be willing to take up the slack in the event resources fail for one reason or the other.
If he views his home as his castle then he doesn't seem to have the desire to keep the kingdom together. I think it might be time to sack the castle.
Consider selling your car to put some money in your pocket to start a new life maybe. Cut your living expense's to adjust to that change if it leads in that direction.
I don't believe this is what you signed up for and you obviously aren't happy. You have given a great, great deal with little to no return on the agreement. That's a default on the contract.
Only you can come to the final conclusion on this matter and I'm sorry for your situation. I consider myself a pretty decent person and could never treat someone who has done so much for me the way you are being treated.
Search out your values, ideals and expectations and reach your inner soul for the decision that will suit you best for your own happiness. Good luck to you and best wishes.
How old is your son now? I'm just curious. If he's an adult it just makes it easier to leave. And yes, this is a marriage worth leaving. You're getting nothing out of it. No emotional support (most important), love, nothing. And, also, once it gets to the point where you and your family are coming up with ';positives'; like ';he doesn't beat you'; then you/they are reeeeally grasping for straws.
Girl it is time to take a stand. He cannot have it both ways. I would do nothing for him. Nothing. He does not get any meals prepared by you, he can pack his own lunch and wash his own clothes. He treats you like this because you take it. He should be ashamed having his wife beg for money from her family. Marriage is a partnership, what you have is slavery. He gets it all and all you get is nothing. If he believes that women should pay their own way then he should believe that you are not there to wait on him. Do not listen to what others tell you . You have to do what is best for you. This is no way for you to live and to bring up your child.
walk away ur not a roommate. u don't split bills. u share . i paid all bills my husband didn't work much. as long as he paid attention to me that was fine until he hooked up with someone on pc nd had a gift sent to our home for him from a woman. he ignored me for 2 months i caught him talking to someone on pc and told him to go live with her. she could support him. he left with nothing 2 months ago i asked for divorce but he wont sign papers. don't know where hes at don't care. u should do the same.
Yes and men have to pay their way, too when they treat their wives like crap! It's called divorce, although, I didn't want anything from my x once I decided it was over. My x husband treated me the exact same way. I had to go to my father to help me pay for the car I have. I had done everything for him and asked for his help and didn't he say no? Yes he did. A marriage is a partnership, you help each other in bad times. Right now, he has it made as did my x husband. You deserve someone taking care of you once in a while. I couldn't stand it and got out myself. I love taking care of a man but not to the exclusion of ME and when I need something, it should be reciprocated if you love one another and it usually is when you love each other. I'm sorry for your agony, I seriously know how you feel. Get out if you are unhappy and you know he won't change or try to help himself or the marriage. You only live once. Make the best of it. :)
This is a very difficult question with a very easy answer that only you know. Ten, twenty, even thirty years down the road from now assuming that his behavior continues, can you see yourself still with him? Not because its the right thing to do, or because your skared of peoples opinions or any other outside influence, but because that is what YOU want? If you can say yes, then you need to figure out how to make things work. If you question it, then you need to contimplate life without him. If you say no, then you need to just get it over with and move on.
I know its not much help to you right now, but hopefully you can appriciate the logic sometime.
Good luck to you and I do feel you. I really do.
